A broken Swan Read online

  Mom, dad, is life always this hard? Did you go through this? What am I supposed to do? I love him so much. I love Chelsea just the same. I didn’t realize the sacrifices that came with love. Tonight, I wished to the stars that my parents heard me, and that they would answer me. But I drifted to sleep before I heard an answer.

  Chapter 15

  This week was worse. Chelsea ignored me. Even when she spoke to me, she snapped at me with negative things. Kevin told me to ignore her because she was a brat, who gets bratty when she never got her ways. I never realized that about her. I guess love does that to you.

  Gemma was so helpful. She said that I had a kind heart to not recognize anything bad in anyone. She said in time Chelsea will realize that Gabriel really loves me. Gemma also said that they were never together. Chelsea kept pushing Gabriel into going out, but Gabriel was just being a friend. They never even kissed. Just that one time under the mistletoe during Christmas. He said that she shocked him by kissing him, he not kissing her. That’s what he wanted to tell me. Chelsea went over a couple times; she always missed him because Gabriel was out riding Midnight.

  I was glad knowing that the kiss didn’t mean anything during Christmas. But I was sad at the ruined relationship between me and Chelsea. I never realized Chelsea was selfish. This is the side of her I’ve never seen. But then again, I never kissed any of her ex-boyfriends. And Gabriel wasn’t even a boyfriend.

  I talked to Mark, who was helpful too. He was disappointed at Chelsea. That didn’t mean he stopped liking her. Maybe she’s his perfection. He told me that Chelsea was never in love with Gabriel. Chelsea was chasing an image, rather than reality. He had seen me and Gabriel together before at school. Love can be spoken without words, he pointed out. That’s how he saw me and Gabriel. When he saw Chelsea and Gabriel together, he only saw two people together.

  I was even more surprise to hear that Gabriel was in his Art class. He said that Gabriel spoke to him a couple of times asking about me. He knew I worked with Mark. Mark blushed and made a confession. He took one of my pictures that I had developing in the dark room. It was of Chelsea. It was when she was arranging some flowers. She stuck a white daisy in her hair and did a pose for me. Her side profile was beautiful, her blonde hair shone with highlights, her dark gray eyes shining. He said he had the picture in his Art class and Gabriel saw it. He said Gabriel was looking at it, telling him it was beautiful, that I caught her in such a beautiful moment, not just Chelsea being beautiful. I realized that Gabriel has never seen any of my photos. I don’t think I’d show him any of mine that I took of him.

  I thanked Mark. He made me feel better. I realized for the first time in my life I was asking other people’s advice.

  Gabriel was hard to avoid. The kiss we shared was something he and I have probably never felt before. He was more determined than ever to be by my side. Everywhere I was at school, he would be there waiting for me. I tried walking away, but he came after me. I even tried hiding out, he managed to find me. In class, he would grab my hand and hold it. Even when I tried to pull it out, he would shake his head and tighten his hold. When class was over, he would put his arms around my shoulders, walk me to class and give me a quick kiss before walking to his class.

  Sometimes I would move my face so he’d kiss my cheek, but he wasn’t having that. He’d hold my chin and kiss me. And every time I would blush. He would tuck my hair behind my ears, caress my cheek, and tell me I was adorable. I stuck my tongue out at him one time and he laughed. I wasn’t sure how to take this new relationship. I could see in his eyes he feels bad about how Chelsea was treating me. He told me that Chelsea was just a friend and that he had been trying to get through to me the whole time. He said he was being careful with me because he knew I’ve been hurt and I was so shy with him. He didn’t want to rush it.

  I saw Chelsea one time watching us, giving us an evil glare. But I also saw hurt and disappointment in her eyes. She would cover it up right, turn around and walk away.

  Other people started talking to me. That was a surprise. I think they started to realize that I wasn’t a mute after all. That I was normal like them. But then I’d realize, who was really normal? A lot of people were surprise at me because I managed to snatch the most sought out guy in school. Shelby Lee, who was in my Government class, was surprise I knew her mom. Her mom was the town librarian. I went there a lot as a kid and during the past four years. Her mom was sweet and quiet older women. I told Shelby that her mom had asked me to take a few pictures of her at the piano recital without her knowing. She wanted to surprise Shelby with pictures. Shelby smiled excitedly and said they were the best pictures of her that she’s ever seen. She never saw herself beautiful, but the pictures showed it. Shelby was a cute Asian girl with beautiful shiny black hair. She wore glasses too, and had braces. She was a talented musician. I told her that what made her beautiful was her passion for music. It showed on her face when she was playing. She got teary eyed with me and thanked me. She told me it was the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to her. She even said “I know this is late, but I always wanted to tell you I’m sorry about your parents, they were really nice. I didn’t know how to approach you. You were so intimidating. So sad and lost. I didn’t think you would care for what I had to say.” There it was again, that assumption.

  I smiled. I even gave her a hug, which surprised her. “Thank you, if you would’ve said that to me four years ago, it would’ve meant the world to me. Even you saying it now still means the same.”

  She and I began to open up and our conversations were more at ease. So she couldn’t help but ask. “So are you and Gabriel together? You guys make such a beautiful couple? A lot of girls are jealous, even the guys.” She gushed. I didn’t even realize that the guys were jealous. Is that why they never approached me, because I was intimidating? “You’re so smart, and he’s super smart too. I have him for my Chemistry class and I always see him getting A’s. I’m so jealous.”

  I was astonished. I realized that people paid more attention about me than I realized and it wasn’t about what happened to me. And I knew Gabriel was very intelligent. I knew him better than others. It made me happy inside knowing that he was so open with me on things about him than to anyone else.

  School went on. I decided later I would talk to Chelsea. I went home and was glad to see her car in the driveway. Aunt Helen wasn’t home but Uncle Robert was there. He was in his office. I went upstairs, I didn’t even knock, and I just opened her door. She jumped back in surprise. And then anger showed on her face.

  “Get out!” she screamed. “No.” I said and stood my ground. I stared at her. This time, I will not walk away.

  “What? Are you here to brag about your new boyfriend? Who was supposed to be mine? Are you happy that you got him? Don’t you think you should be ashamed of yourself since he was mine first?” She said nastily. I stood there and realize. Beautiful, self-assured Cheslea that I always thought wasn’t as confident as I always thought she was. Mom said insecure people would say cruel things. That meant Chelsea was insecure about herself. But why, she was beautiful and she had everything in the world for her. Great parents, great brothers, a roof under her head. But no one was perfect.

  “I came to say that I’m sorry, sorry for hurting your feelings. I’m sorry that I couldn’t help what I felt for Gabriel. “I said with remorse. “But I’m not sorry that we kissed.”

  Her eyes flashed with more anger. “Don’t think I didn’t see you watching him. You knew I was in love with him! But you kissed him anyway. What kind of cousin does that? I wish you never came here! You took everything from me. Daddy doesn’t even pay attention to me. Mom doesn’t even talk to me anymore. Kevin and Charlie puts up with me. They would rather be with you than me!” she screamed. And as she screamed, she took the photo I gave her for Christmas and smashed it on the floor, creating a loud noise. I stood there stunned. Stunned at what she was saying. She was so blinded by jealousy that she didn’t see what was in front of her. I ra
n to my room and grabbed the original picture that I took with Uncle Robert in the picture. I walked up to her and shoved it in her face. I could hear Uncle Robert coming up the stairs yelling what was wrong.

  From this moment I snapped. “Look at this picture! Look at it! What do you see? What do you see!” I screamed at her. She had tears in her eyes, her eyes shocked as her hands were shaking as holding the picture in her hands. She saw what I saw, a father who was proud of her daughter. Then I threw other pictures at her face. Aunt Helen’s face, Kevin’s face, Charlie’s face. All with the same pride. Proud of their graceful sister. I could hear Uncle Robert behind us. But I ignored him.

  “How could you be so selfish? How could you let yourself be so blind with your jealousy that you can’t even open your eyes to be thankful for what you have?!” I screamed at her. Uncle Robert so shocked. Chelsea standing there pale and scared.

  “You think I want to be here? You don’t think I don’t want to be in my old bed back at my old home wishing MY DAD came to see me dance or MY MOM cook dinner for me? You don’t think I wish I had brothers who look out for me?” I began to start crying, my voice breaking. “I wish every day I had my mom and dad here with me. But all I have of them are pictures, memories! I can’t even touch them anymore! The closest thing I have of them is their goddamn gravestone and that isn’t even enough! I screamed and broke down crying. I could see Chelsea crying. Uncle Robert breaking down himself.

  “Oh god, I miss you dad, I miss you mom! Why did you leave me? Why couldn’t you let me come with you!” I screamed more for myself. I cried tears, tears that were four years too late. Tears that needed to be let go. Uncle Robert was right. It was not a good thing to hold things inside. Chelsea dropped down, giving me a hug, crying for me. Uncle Robert on the other side rocking us both, telling me he was sorry. The phone rang from downstairs. We then realized that Aunt Helen was home. We heard her rushing upstairs.

  “…..have you guys seen Jamie? That was his mother. He said Odette was taking him ice skating and then disappeared,” asked Aunt Helen. Then she paused and saw the three of us on the floor, tears on our faces, eyes puffy. She frowned, “What’s going on?”

  Then something registered in my brain. Jamie had his ice skates. He was going to go the Wolf Lake. I hadn’t had time to take him last week. I told him I would take him to the skating rink instead. He must have lost patience and decided to go on his own to try it himself. I jumped up and everyone was surprise.

  “I know where he is!” and ran out. I was glad I still had my shoes on. As I was running out, I yelled “Call his mom and tell him he went to Wolf Lake!”

  I kept running as fast as I could. I could hear Uncle Roberts behind me, shouting my name. But it didn’t matter. Jamie was going to try to skate on the ice, ice that was thawing, ice that was too thin to skate on. As I reached the Lake, my eyes saw in horror.

  Jamie was holding onto the edge of the ice. His body was dropped into the water with the crack he created. “Odette, help me!” he screamed and cried.

  “Jamie, hold on, I need you to hold on, Ok honey. I’m going to come and get you. Just hold on as good as you can,” I said in the calmest voice. The ice was too thin to walk on. But I needed to do this. I needed to save Jamie. I began walking slowly on the ice, taking my time, feeling out my spots. Some parts were thick enough to walk on, others were too thin. The water was in the negative temperatures.

  “I’m getting cold Odette, I don’t know if I can hold on any other,” Jamie said as his teeth chattered. His lips were turning blue. He was getting pale. I began to panic. But I couldn’t show it. He would start to panic.

  “Jamie, just hang on a little longer ok. You’re doing great. I’m almost there all right. After I get you out of the water, we’ll get hot chocolate and watch movies,” I said, promising him anything as long as he still held on. It worked for a bit. I was almost there. I was a foot away from him. I dropped to my knees and on my stomach and reached for him. He was so cold. He started struggling as I reached for him.

  “Calm down Jamie, calm down, I will come to you okay,” I reassured him softly. To my horror, I realize that the ice began to crack. I could hear that the others were here.

  “Odette honey, be careful!” Uncle Robert roared. “We got a rope.”

  “Hold on Jamie, hold on Odette!” Gabriel screamed. He was here. I looked over and saw despair on their faces.

  “Don’t come on the ice! It can’t hold anymore” I warned them. Gabriel looked so scared. Chelsea was standing next to him worried. I saw Mrs. Ryan crying and Aunt Helen trying to calm her.

  I reached down and grabbed for Jamie. As I did that, the ice began to crack and water filled around my knees. I heard Aunt Helen and Chelsea scream.

  “Honey, I’m going to throw you the rope okay. I want you to tie it around both of you,” Uncle Robert said. I shook my head him, my eyes showed gloom and it went to Gabriel. They knew it had to be Jamie first. It was too thin right now for two people at a time.

  “No, get Jamie first. I’ll wait until you drag him and then you’ll throw the rope for me,” I yelled.

  “Odette, I’m getting colder,” Jamie whispered, his eyes were fading on me. His body temperature was dropping. He was losing grip.

  “Throw me the rope now!” I screamed. Uncle Robert tossed it as far as he can. It was close enough for me to reach. And then with all my strength, I dragged Jamie up to the thickest part of the ice. I screamed as I dragged him out. I was getting cold. But I needed to stay strong. The ice was slowly cracking beneath me. I quickly tied the rope around them and told them to pull. I saw Gabriel and Uncle Robert pulling hard as they could. Being careful to pull him around the thickest ice. And as they were doing that, the ice beneath me collapsed. Everyone screamed. I dropped in the water. It was freezing. The cold shocked my body. I only had a T-shirt and jeans on. I popped out of the water, grasping for the thickest edge taking a deep breath. I could hear Gabriel screaming, Uncle Robert holding him back from trying to come to get me. I coughed out the water and screamed “Keep dragging him out, I’m fine.”

  I could see Gabriel looking at me, angry that he wasn’t able to come help me. “I’m okay Gabriel, I’m fine,” I reassured him as my teeth chattered. I thought of the possibility. I could drag myself out. It was slippery. I knew one thing, I didn’t want to get stuck underneath. I tried to pull myself up, only to have the ice crack even more. I went under again, gasping at the cold that went into my lungs. I choked and coughed. I heard everyone scream telling me to hold on

  It felt like forever for them to drag Jamie. But they finally did it. My body started to get numb. I laughed at myself, remembering how I liked the cold because it made me feel alive. I’m alive right now. I started shivering.

  “Hold on sweetheart, we’re throwing the rope,” Gabriel screamed. That’s nice, he just called me sweetheart, I thought to myself. It’s so cold. I could hear voices. Chelsea’s, Gemma’s, everyone else’s voice telling me to hold on. I heard sirens coming. Someone must have called 911. And then I realized that it was a remake of four years ago. When I was shot, I was fading in and out. I heard sirens and screaming. Except, this time, Uncle Robert wasn’t standing over me. I was all alone in this freezing water and they were helpless. Maybe it was meant for me to go this time.

  “Odette, don’t you dare die on me!” screamed Gabriel. I fluttered my eyes, trying to catch what I thought might be the last time I’d see him. He was so gorgeous. So perfect. And he loved me, except he never said the words to me. I never told him I loved him. And then I remember what Mark told me before, “Love can be spoken without words.” It was true. Every time Gabriel would brush my hair behind my ears, the way he held my hands and the way he looked at me. It was love. Did I show him enough? I wasn’t sure now.

  I opened my mouth, wanting to tell him the words, but nothing came out. My vision was getting dark. I kept hearing screams around me. And then from a distance, I heard someone humming lightly. I smiled a smile softly
and thought of dad.

  All of a sudden I let go, my body couldn’t help it. In slow motion, I felt the water surround me. “Odette!” Gabriel screamed was the last I heard. And then for the second time in my life, I saw darkness.

  Chapter 16

  I kept hearing something. Someone whispering in my ears “Open your eyes Odette, open those beautiful eyes for me” it was such a nice voice. I was trying to but I couldn’t. I let it go and drifted away.

  “Swan princess, open your eyes for your mom and dad,” I heard a voice. A voice so familiar. I opened my eyes. Realized it had to be a dream. Or maybe it was Heaven. I looked around. It was a beautiful open field with all colors of flowers. It looked so familiar. I saw the morning fog with the sun shining bright burning it away. And as the fog moved apart, I saw them. Mom and Dad. Smiling. Dad looking gorgeous. Mom looking beautiful. I ran to them. Their arms open wide.

  “Mom! Dad! I miss you!” I cried out. And ran into loving arms. I miss these arms.