A broken Swan Read online

  For Charlie, it was a picture with his feet propped up on his desk, book in his hand and a pencil on his ear. He was in such a deep thought he didn’t even know that I took it. I left the picture in color because it showed his hair in a wonderful color. He looked handsome too. He told me that when he ever felt frustrated on school, he’ll look at this picture. He said that the pictured showed a moment of when he was so determined. I smiled at him.

  Kevin’s picture was hilarious. I had to creep up on him to catch this moment. It was in the morning. He was by the refrigerator in just his boxers. They were Sponge Bob boxers. Of course I had to leave this picture in color. He had his head tilted while drinking a jug of milk with milk sliding the side of his mouth. He laughed so hard and told me that Jayla would love to see this picture. It was typical Kevin.

  I received extra batteries for my camera from Aunt Helen and Uncle Robert. They knew how much I cherished it since it came from dad. I got a cute shirt from Chelsea and told her this time I promise I’ll wear it. It was a white peasant top. She told me it would show off my coloring. Charlie gave me a gift card to my favorite bakery shop in town. He knew I loved their stuff. I gave him a happy hug. Kevin decided this year it was his turn to give me a T-shirt. It was funny. It was me. It was a hunter green T-shirt with white lettering that said “That’s right, I’m the real Barefoot” I laughed.

  I was tempted to wear that T-shirt tonight. But I knew everyone was at least wearing their best for Christmas dinner. I decided to take a risk this year. I looked through my closet and found the dress that Chelsea bought me last year. She told me at the time that the dark green was pretty for my hair. It was a thin strap dress, with a straight neckline, it hugged my breast perfectly. The bottom of the dress flared out with chiffon material. It was bouncy. It hit to the top of my knees. I looked in the mirror and realized I was really pale. Working outside on the ranch didn’t help since all I did was burn and not tan. I was so hesitant to wear something so revealing on top because of the scar from the bullet wound. I touched it like it pained me. It used to pain me. The dress covered it up barely but I left my hair down letting it flow down the front and back. I took off my glasses and put in my contacts. The dress made my eyes even greener. I looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t bad looking. High cheekbones, nice eyebrows, clear skin, full lips. No makeup, I just put on a dress for sakes. That was a big step. I sighed.

  I started walking down the stairs. I didn’t even bother with shoes. When I reached the bottom, I heard a gasp. It was Aunt Helen.

  “Oh honey, for a moment I thought it was your mother. You look like her so much. You look beautiful,” she said getting teary eyed. Oh no, don’t cry. I might start crying. I can’t believe I just said that. Crying. I’ve been crying a lot lately.

  “Thanks Aunt Helen, that means a lot,” I softly replied. She hugged me and went back into the kitchen. Everyone else must still be getting ready. I went into the living room, the fire place was burning. The Christmas tree was tall and filled with ornaments and candy canes. Stockings were still hung up on the mantel. It painted a pretty picture. Picture. I looked on top of the mantel. I realized there was a frame there. I walked up to it and slowly looked at it. It was a picture of me, dad and mom. Dad was kissing mom on her cheek while I was in his lap looking at them smiling. Mom set up the camera at the time. I smiled because mom was the only one looking at the camera. I remember her saying “You’re supposed to look in the camera!” and me and dad laughed. My eyes glistened at the memory. Uncle Robert must have put it up for me. I must have been so deep in my thought I didn’t even hear the doorbell or someone standing behind me.

  I gasped and turned around. We were only an inch apart. Almost chest against chest and he had a nice chest. His ocean blue eyes flared with appreciation. He stared at me with awareness looking me up and down. Then he slowly smiled. He bent his head down.

  “You are so beautiful Odette,” whispered Gabriel. He smelled wonderful. It was a great aftershave smell. His wavy black hair swept back with gel. He had on a navy V neck sweater that showed off his muscles and black trousers. Why did he have to be so good-looking? I blushed because I was staring at him. He smiled as if he was glad I was staring. I realized he was holding my elbows. I heard gasp behind him. I looked around him and saw Chelsea and Gemma. I moved quickly away from him and put the picture back on the mantel.

  “Odette! Oh my gosh, you look great!” Chelsea exclaimed. She was wearing a strapless white dress that flowed down to the floor. She looked almost angelic. Gemma was wearing a red dress that hugged her body nicely.

  “You look really great Odette. Nice dress,” Gemma agreed. I smiled. “Chelsea picked it out,” I pointed it out.

  “Great job Chelsea,” Gabriel’s voice rumbled deeply as he congratulated Chelsea in her pick for me but continued to stare at me. I moved away, farther away from him.

  “Odette!” A little body plastered himself against me. Adorable little Jamie. I gave him a tight hug. I had a present for him too. “Jamie!” I exclaimed back in the same way he said my name. He giggled. The corner of my eye I could see Gabriel watching us with a smile.

  Dinner started normal. Seating arrangements added Charlie. Except this time, I sat between Jamie, who insisted I sit next to him and then the other side sat Gabriel. Chelsea sat across from him. She stared at him open with desire. As we said grace, he grabbed my hand. His thumb rubbed the back of my hand, causing it to tingle with pleasure. As it was over, he still held on to me. I looked down at our hands, tan skin against my light skin. Rough like a workers hand. Strong. I looked up and saw he was looking at me. He had that serious look on his face again. I swallowed nervously and licked my lips. He looked at my lips, like he wanted to be the one touching it. Oh how I wanted him to kiss me. I looked away quickly, took my hand out of his and grabbed for food. I was thankful for Jamie’s distraction. He was telling me about first grade. He had a crush on his teacher. He loved his class because he had a lot of friends. I could hear Chelsea’s and Gabriel’s conversation. It didn’t sound interesting. They were talking about school and people they knew. They should know the same people since they knew people from the same crowd. I caught Gemma’s eye every now and then darting back to me and Gabriel. I shook my head. No, not now. Then she would turn her attention back to Charlie. Charlie seemed to be taken by Gemma. Gemma was beautiful. She seemed to shine tonight, especially from what happened yesterday. It seems like she finally accepted and began to move on. I was happy for her. I could see Jayla and Kevin holding hands and whispering and giggling together.

  I leaned back in my chair and realized Gabriel had draped his arm on my chair. He made it look so casual but I was in a panic. I decided to savor the moment. Feel his arm around me. I didn’t think he realized it but he started playing with my hair, like it was a natural thing to do. He did it when we were alone, but now there were people around. I looked at Chelsea. She looked at him and me. I could see her swallowing hard. I wasn’t sure how to take her expression. She seemed disappointed.

  I decided it was time to excuse myself from the table with Jamie and give him his gift. I was glad to get away. Jamie was so happy with his gift. It was little ice skates. He told me once that he wanted to learn to ice skate. I told him I would take him to the Wolf Lake after Christmas since it would still be frozen. He jumped up and down and said he couldn’t wait. He ran off to show his parents. Mr. Ryan came into the living room as Jamie ran off. I could tell he wanted to talk to me because he had the same serious look that Gabriel must have inherited from.

  “Odette, I wanted you to know that your dad and I were great friends. I know you must have heard about me and probably thought it was strange that you never met me,” he informed me, answering the questions that pondered in my head. All I could do was nod in agreement. It was strange that I never met the Ryan’s before.

  “Your dad was a private person. He didn’t want to expose you of the things that were occurring in his work life. With his job, he had pl
enty of threats from other clients that he was trying to protect you. I understood the same feeling. Your dad talked about you and your mom whenever he came to visit us. He said you were such a quiet child. You were so like your mom and him in many ways. Every time he tried to bring your mom and you up to see us, something came up with his work. That’s why we never met. It wasn’t intentional. It just happened that way. I’m sure your dad told you about us, “Mr. Ryan continued to explain. I nodded in agreement. Dad did tell me about a Jack Ryan. I just thought it was a firm that dad worked on the side. He talked about Jack and the kids, but I didn’t know then that the kids were Gabriel, Gemma, Jayla and Jamie. I never realized how protective dad was of me. Whenever he came home, he always told me that he came home to me as my dad, not a lawyer. That’s why I never asked him about work. That’s one I thought was great about dad. He was like Clark Kent and Superman.

  “Things must happen for a reason,” I replied.

  “They must,” Mr. Ryan said in agreement with a smile. Jamie came rushing in and starting chatting away with his dad.

  I decided to step outside to the porch, to look at the stars. I put on my jacket. I didn’t bother with shoes. As I quietly walked out, I realized that there was already someone outside. I walked up closer and realized they were kissing. It was Chelsea and Gabriel. My heart jumped and I realized that it was filling with pain. Is this the disappointment that was going to happen? Is this the shattered hope that I’m supposed to feel? They jerked apart quickly when they realized they weren’t alone. Gabriel’s eyes widen in surprise “Odette!” and pushed Chelsea away. Chelsea smiled innocently and said “Sorry Odette, didn’t know you were out here.” But her eyes didn’t show it.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled and ran back inside. Is this how a broken heart feels like? If it was, I don’t want it. I never want it. I went into the kitchen and stayed there almost the whole night. I helped clean up. I avoided Gabriel’s eyes. I could feel him watching me but I never glanced at him once. I said good night to everyone and ran up to my room. I stripped out of the dress and went to bed. Heartbreak or no heartbreak, I still wanted to help Gabriel. I doubt that Chelsea even realizes what Gabriel is feeling. Tonight proved that Chelsea didn’t like competition. It also proved that she was selfish. Something I never realized about her.

  Chapter 14

  The week went on until school started. Every now and then Jamie would call to talk to me over the phone. I thought it was so sweet. It’s too bad it was his older brother I wanted to hear from too. But I’m sure that he was busy with Chelsea. Gemma called to talk, but I avoided the subject of Gabriel. She was doing better; she enjoyed hanging out with Charlie. Uncle Robert drove Charlie back to school. When he came back, he said that Charlie is looking into transferring somewhere close. Interesting, I smiled to myself.

  Mark proved to be a great friend. He and I talked a lot more. He wanted to go to Art school. He was thinking about putting some of his paintings to apply for a scholarship. I encouraged him because I knew he would get it. He said he did some more paintings and he was excited about one that he drew.

  School started up again. We heard that Mrs. Sinclair got into skiing accident and would be out for a month. We couldn’t believe she was still skiing at her age. Who are we to judge? But she informed the substitute teacher that the assignment was due on the 29th of January was now due on the 26th of February, which was nearly a month later. One assignment that I hadn’t even started. She would be back that week. The substitute, Ms. Thompson, was nice. She was younger than Mrs. Sinclair, but proved to be just as good. I still managed to avoid Gabriel. The first week I hid in the library during lunch. Gemma got mad because she was always looking for me. I told her I was doing some extra research for school. She’d roll her eyes because she knew I was avoiding Gabriel. He was looking for me to explain the kiss. I didn’t need an explanation because it wasn’t needed.

  I decided that taking pictures made me get to know people some more. I took pictures of Mark when he was painting; I took pictures of Gemma listening to music, Jamie running around, Jayla and Kevin together. Most of all I took pictures of Gabriel. At times he was frowning, and then he was thinking. And there were moments where his eyes lit up. I wish I knew what he was thinking at that moment. I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever.

  One day in English class, he managed to snag a sit next to me. I didn’t even realize it. I was in such a deep thought. I had one my hand on my chin looking straight ahead waiting for class to start. I felt a hand tuck my hair behind my ear and slid down to caress my cheek. I didn’t move because I knew it was him. My eyes looked over to his direction. His dark hair wavy against his forehead, his sweater hugging his shoulders nicely and his long legs covered with blue jeans. He was smiling with such a sweet smile. And then he grabbed my free hand and held on to it throughout the class. The teacher didn’t notice. No one paid attention. I don’t know why I didn’t just shake my hand out of his palm. It felt so right. His hands were so big and warm compared to mine. He and I had a staring contest for a moment. With no thoughts, I just stared. His eyes showed that he was sorry. And then it showed adoration and determination. I looked away frowning and confused. I can’t see that. He had to be dating Chelsea now. The whole school was talking about them. I saw them kissing. And that moment, I took my hand out of his hand and turned away. I quickly left after class was over. It was the third week of school back from Christmas break.

  I didn’t have work after school. I decided to go to Wolf Lake. It was always calming to be there. The lake was still frozen. It was starting to thaw. So it was dangerous to even stand on it.

  By the time I reached it, I saw Midnight. Alone. And without a rider. My heart jumped. I saw Gabriel sprawled on the ground on his back. I ran as fast as I could and screamed “Gabriel!” I was afraid that Midnight might have bucked him off by accident. I dropped down and reached to touch him, to feel him. I was so scared. I dropped my head to listen to his heartbeat. It was still beating. He was still warm.

  Then all of a sudden, I felt arms wrap around me. I looked up. His eyes were twinkling. He rolled over leaving me at the bottom and him on top. “Don’t do that!” I yelled and smacked him on the shoulders. He quietly laughed and held me more tightly, afraid I was going to escape him. It felt so good to have his arms around me.

  “I should do it more often if I knew you would react this way,” he said as he moved his face a few inches from mine, looking at me in his eyes. “Were you worried about me?” he asked smiling.

  I smacked him again. “Of course I was worry about you, you idiot! I thought you were hurt. I was scared that something happened.” And the thought of him dead made me lips start trembling, my eyes filling with tears.

  He realized that I was really scared. His gaze softened. He hugged me tighter, “Oh Odette, I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to lie down in the snow for a moment to take a break and do some thinking, “he said as he deeply looked into my eyes. Tears dripped from the side of my eyes and my lips trembled even more. He groaned at my reaction like it pained him.

  And then he kissed me. Lips lightly touched mine like it was testing, tasting me. He softly kissed me like I was precious. He groaned again and ran his hand through my hair. He deepened the kiss. I opened my mouth and our tongues met. I could feel his tongue against mine drinking me like hunger, tasting the life of me. My hands wrapped around his waist grabbing him closer to me, savoring his body, feeling his muscles, his heat. We continued to kiss. He kissed my eyes, my nose, my forehead, my cheeks and back at my mouth. He whispered my name so softly like he did the first day of class “Odette.” He tasted so good, so warm, so masculine. I don’t know how long we kissed because a couple of times he had to stop to catch his breath before kissing me again. I touched the side of his face, never thinking I’d ever touch it. I ran my finger down his crooked nose and then his eyebrows. I looked into his ocean blue eyes. I saw something in his eyes I never thought I’d see, especially from him.
I saw love. The only thing I could think about doing was grabbing each side of his face and softly and slowly give him the sweetest kiss I could give him. I felt his body tremble with pleasure, hear him groaning. Oh I love you so much. I don’t ever want this to end. But it had to. Reality set in. We heard a gasp and we looked up.

  It was Chelsea. Her face filled with pain and anger. She spat out “I hate you Odette!” and ran off back to the ranch. I looked at Gabriel, and he looked regretful. I jumped up.

  “I have to go!” I said and ran after Chelsea. I had to explain to her. “Odette…Wait!” Gabriel exclaimed. But I didn’t. I needed to explain to Chelsea. I didn’t mean for it to happen. But it did happen.

  But Chelsea didn’t want to listen. She ignored me. Dinner time was a horrible event. Aunt Helen and Uncle Robert were looking back and forth at me and Chelsea. Even Kevin couldn’t even crack a joke.

  When dinner was over, I tried talking to her again. But she wouldn’t listen. “You know how much I liked him! Why do you have to steal everything from me?! He’s my boyfriend!” she screamed. Were they boyfriend and girlfriend? Did he cheat on her with me? I don’t think so. What did she mean steal everything from her? Didn’t she realize she had more than me?

  She screamed at me some more, I just stood there. I knew that I had to walk away, as much as I love her; I needed to walk away tonight. She needed to cool down. I went to my room. I heard Chelsea crying, Aunt Helen comforting her. Uncle Robert knocked on my door but I ignored him. I needed to be alone.