A broken Swan Read online

  When I got home, I saw that my eyes were still bloodshot in the mirror. Great. Now I really have some explaining to do. I saw Uncle Robert waiting by the door. I sighed.

  “School called today. Said you didn’t show up for 4 of 5 your classes. That meant you showed up for your first period,” he said. He looked at me closely. He saw my face, my eyes. I looked away.

  He grabbed me and dragged me into his office. Pulled me into a chair as he sat at the edge of his desk with his arm crossed waiting for an answer. I sighed.

  “I didn’t mean to, it just happened,” was all I mumbled. I looked down at my hands, letting my hair curtain around my face. I must have looked pitiful.

  He continued to look at me with a stern look. But his gaze softened. Uncle Robert, so serious, never a man for words. Dad use to say that I was like Uncle Robert. A person of action. He said I’d make a great cop like him because I had a poker face. I’d laugh and tell him “too short.” Dad would laugh and say “There is a lot of great people who are short who do the job just as well as tall people.”

  “Honey, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?” he continued to gently ask. I shook my head no. Not yet, not right now, I thought. I was trying to get use to the idea myself.

  He sighed. He stood me up, gave me a hug and kissed me on the top of the head like he always did for me and Chelsea. “It frustrates your Aunt and me that you keep things to yourself. I feel like you’re building it up and it’s not a good thing. Don’t think I don’t pay attention to you because I do know things you don’t think I know. We just want what’s best for you. Since you never miss a day of school, it worried the both of us. We know something is wrong. Honey you know we love you, you know you’re safe.” I nodded in his chest. I know, I thought to myself. He would always protect me, like he would protect my cousins.

  “I’m here when you’re ready to talk, all right,” he said and looked down at me. I nodded. He looked so like dad. Sometimes I could see dad’s expressions in him. Like the one he had on his face right now. He wasn’t dad though, but Uncle Robert. I jumped back into his arms and hugged him again.

  “I cried today,” I choked out. His body stilled. He hugged me tighter. For a moment we just held onto each other. Then I felt something drop on the side of my face, a teardrop. At first I thought it was mine, but I realized it was Uncle Robert. I looked up and saw the anticipation in his eyes. He knew it has been a long time since I cried. I gave him a small smile and said “I miss dad every day, but I’m glad I have you too.”

  He gave me a teary smile. His body shook as continued to cry. He gave me one last big hug and I walked out knowing he needed time to compose himself. From this moment on, I knew that things were going to change. That I was changing.

  Chapter 11

  It’s been four days since I saw Gabriel. I don’t know how I’d act when I see him again knowing that I love him now. How did he feel about Chelsea? Why would he be interested in me? I was just someone who would listened to his problems.

  For the first time, I had a good friend who wasn’t just family. It was in Gemma. She never asked me about what happened to me. She never treated me any different. She treated me like a friend, like I was a normal person. I am a normal person. Everyone else doesn’t think so. They thought I was mute. I guess I let them think that. Maybe it was because they didn’t know how to treat me after the death of my parents. How do you treat someone like me? Time after time I was beginning to see why people were the way they were because it was me who needed to let myself open up. Am I ready? I thought to myself.

  I was working at 3P’s. It was a little busy. It was two days before Christmas. People were requesting for picture postcards to send out for the holidays.

  Mark seemed more down lately. I asked him if he was all right. He would give me a weak smile and tell me he was fine. But I knew something was wrong. I took a different approach this time. Since he was a guy, I decided to ask him something I’d always wonder myself with other people.

  “Mark, what did you think of me when you first met me?” I asked. It was probably the most I’ve said in a sentence. His eyes widened in surprise. And then he blushed.

  He swallowed, I could see his adam’s apple moving up and down his throat. “I..uh…I thought you were beautiful.” He blushed again and I looked shocked. Beautiful? “You were so quiet and serene, different from your cousin Chelsea but just as beautiful.” He blushed even more. He must really like Chelsea. “I ..um..will never know the feeling of losing two parents, but I know the feeling about losing a parent,” he said with a serious look. “But you were a little intimidating like Chelsea, but different. You didn’t let what anyone said about you bother you. I admire you because most people do not recover from tragedy. I guess in one word to describe what I thought about you the first time I met you, it would be..Brave.” Brave? Me?

  While I know that Mark was a nice guy, I started to wonder what others thought about me. I was shocked though. I didn’t think I was brave. I thought of myself being a coward. Maybe I’m not a coward after all.

  I smiled at him. “Thank you, Mark.” He blushed.

  He was so apparent with his feelings that I couldn’t help point out the obvious. “You know, it’s never too late to win Chelsea’s affections.” And then he looked shocked.

  “How…how do you know I like her?” he sheepishly asked. I laughed and rolled my eyes. He blushed.

  “I liked her since I was a freshman. You know what’s funny? She was the reason why I started painting. She was the one to realize my true potential. I was sitting in the cafeteria doodling in my notebook and she walked past me. She must have seen something because she looked down and stopped. She was staring at this picture that I drew of an old woman I had when I was in the park. The lines on the old ladies face were what fascinated me. Chelsea looked me in the eye and said “You draw beautifully, you must paint beautifully too” and she smiled at me and walked away. She didn’t make me feel like a weirdo for drawing an old woman, she made me feel…special,” he told me. I smiled. For Chelsea to notice that sort of detail, that meant maybe Mark could be special. But guys that Chelsea was more into were jocks, guys who thought they were all macho. Except Gabriel. He was different. Maybe there was a reason to her choices in guys. Maybe she did that so she wouldn’t let any guys get close to her. Maybe she was scared like me, of rejection, of hurt and failure. Maybe Gabriel could be her one. My heart squeezed at the thought.

  I always thought Chelsea was the opposite of me. I’m starting to realize, we had similar traits. I stared at Mark. It’s too bad Chelsea couldn’t see the potential in Mark. He was just the guy for her. Or maybe Gabriel was. It didn’t matter at this moment.

  “In February, we’re throwing a birthday for me, Gemma and Gabriel Ryan. I want you to come as my guest. Chelsea is throwing it. I know it’s a little early to invite, but I want you to come. She said she was going to do the invite, but I can invite people myself. Actually, you’re the only one so far.” I paused. “Well, you’re the only one really,” I said and laughed. He laughed too. Maybe he and I were better friends than I thought. This ‘opening up’ thing isn’t so bad after all.

  “Thanks. I’ll definitely come. Mom will be happy, she’s always nagging me to go out,” he declared.

  I grinned. “Make sure you get a haircut and more clothes that fit.” I said. He blushed and smiled.

  “Ok. Deal.” He paused for a moment. “Can I tell you something?” he said. I nodded. “You have a beautiful voice; you should use it more often.” All I could do is smile and nod. And then he and I broke up into laughter.

  After work, it was a different story. It was still cold. Snow was still on the ground. Charlie was due home on Christmas. He had to finish up some things. He was about a little over two hour drive away at college in Pittsburg. I was glad. He would help me with my heartache. Kevin was busy with Jayla these days. I spoke to them together and it seemed that they found love with each other. I was happy for their happiness.
Jayla was actually a very sweet girl, soft spoken and calm, unlike her older sister. Jayla kept him straight. Kevin was more different, more mature now. He was even volunteering his time at the police station where Uncle Robert worked.

  Chelsea was busy with her dancing and cheerleading. Busy with Gabriel. They went out to the movies. At least I think so. I heard she showed up when Gabriel was taking Jamie to the movies. That’s what Kevin told me. But the three of them watched the new Shrek movie together. I was jealous because she got some alone time with Gabriel. I brushed it off quickly. I have no reason to be jealous. He isn’t even mine.

  Gemma seemed quieter these days. She still enjoyed hanging out with me. There were times it seemed like she wanted to ask me some questions, but stopped. She was so like her twin.

  I jumped into my car, heading home. It was dark with a few street lights glaring down. As I was driving down the road, I realized a figure standing by the bus stop. As I got closer, I realized it was Gemma. She was crying, holding herself from the cold. I stopped in front of her and rolled the windows down.

  “Gemma? What are you doing out here?” I asked with concern. She looked relieved to discover it was someone she knew.

  “Oh Odette, I’m so glad it’s you! I ran away from home. I got a bus ticket to head back to New York. I need to get back there now,” she cried. She started crying some more. I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I could think of was drive her myself to New York. I guess we’ll both get in trouble together.

  “Come on, I’ll take you there myself,” I said, thankful that I filled up my gas tank. It was going to be at least a six hour drive. The biggest city we were close to was Erie, PA. It was getting late. I decided that if she needed to get away, I would take her with me to Charlie’s before taking her to NY. She needed to calm down a little. Tell me what was going on in her mind.

  “Oh thank you Odette!” She jumped in and gave me a hug. She wiped her eyes and started hiccupping. We both started to laugh. At least that broke the tension. I started driving. I gave her time to calm down and collect her thoughts before I jumped in to ask questions.

  “We’re not going to New York tonight Gemma. We’re going to head to Pittsburg first and rest there. We’ll head out tomorrow. It’s too dark and we need some rest before driving far, “I sternly told her. She looked surprise.

  “Ok.” was all she had to say. After ten minutes, she asked “Why Pittsburg?” “Chelsea’s brother, my cousin Charlie is there. He’s supposed to be home on Christmas, but I think it’ll be a better idea to stay with him instead of a hotel.” I said. She shook her head in understanding. She looked a mess. Her eyes were puffy. But she still managed to look beautiful.

  “Does your family know where you are?” I inquired. I already knew the answer. But I still needed to know. She shook her head “No, I got into an argument with Dad and Gabriel. I ran out, took a cab to the bus station. I considered taking a cab to New York but it would cost too much.”

  All I did was nod my head. I wasn’t going to push the information out of her. She needed to be the one to tell me.

  “When we get to Charlie’s, I want you to call them OK,” I stated sternly. Gemma looked at me because she’s never seen this side of me. All she did was nod yes. She started falling asleep. It was almost 11 a.m. when I reached Charlie’s place. I knew he would already be asleep. But he would let me stay. I missed him anyways. I talked to him every now and then on the phone, but he was busy with his studies. He missed home though. He missed Ithaca. He’s even considering transferring back to a local college here. Who knows, maybe something will change his mind.

  I looked at my cell phone and realized I had at least ten missed calls from home. And three numbers I didn’t know. They were local numbers so it had to be the Ryan’s. I grabbed Gemma’s cell from her hand. Crap, ten missed calls on her cell phone. We were going to be in trouble. It was almost Christmas Eve. I was wondering myself if we were going to get back in time for Christmas. We will, I told myself.

  I woke Gemma up. We walked up the stairs to Charlie’s apartment. It was in a nice neighborhood. Uncle Robert made sure of it. Such a cop. I pounded on the door knowing that Charlie was a heavy sleeper. It took probably a minute before I heard grumbling behind the door stating he was coming. The door opened. For me, Charlie was my cousin and like a brother to me. But to Gemma, he was probably a very good looking guy with a great body. Charlie had nothing on except his boxers. He was a good-looking male himself at the age of 20. I saw Gemma’s mouth drop open and look away with a blush. He was tall and fit. He had gray eyes like his siblings. Blond hair that was messy. He was running his fingers through it and rubbing his chest. He looked angry. But who could blame him, it was almost midnight and someone was disturbing his sleep. His eyes showed surprise and it softened when he saw me.

  “Shrimp! What are you doing here?! And so late?” he exclaimed. Shrimp, his nickname for me. Cute huh? Nope, I don’t think so. His eyes went from me to Gemma, wondering who she was.

  “Sorry so late Charlie, I need a favor, we need a crash place before heading to New York tomorrow, “I explained. He then realized we were standing out in the cold and he ushered us both inside.

  “Why are you heading to New York tomorrow? It’s Christmas Eve! I’m supposed to be home in a day and a half.” He had his hands on his hips. He looked intimidating. Especially to Gemma.

  “Look, I don’t feel like explaining. Get us some extra blankets and pillows. I need to call Uncle Robert because I know he’s flipping out and she needs to call her parents. This is Gemma by the way. I’m taking her to New York. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know myself. Maybe she’ll explain it to us later,” I snapped. I never snap. Uncle Robert was right. Maybe I needed to stop holding things in. Charlie was taken aback. So was Gemma. They’ve never heard me speak in this tone.

  Charlie shook his head and grumbled under his breath. He knew he couldn’t argue with me. He went to grab some things. While he was doing that, I made Gemma call home.

  I called home myself. Uncle Robert picked up on the first ring. I can hear Aunt Helen and Chelsea at the other. Great, family phone conversation, something I really need right now.

  “I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m with Gemma. We’re at Charlie’s. I’m sorry to worry you,” I explained in a rush.

  “You should’ve called honey before you left! This is so unlike you,” exclaimed Aunt Helen. I’m almost an adult. But she was right, it was so unlike me. “Are you coming home tomorrow? Why are you there anyways?” asked Uncle Robert. I could hear Gemma arguing on the phone with who knows. They didn’t seem to be happy with her. “I’m going to be home on Christmas. Gemma was really upset. She needs to go to New York and I told her I’d take her. She was going to take the bus. She’s upset about something and I think it’d be a good idea that I go with her to help her,” I explained some more.

  I could hear Chelsea asking questions in the background and Aunt Helen shushing her. Uncle Robert’s tone of voice changed softly. He understood me. He knew I would never do anything out of the ordinary unless it was necessary. “All right honey, just please drive safe. Take Charlie with you and bring him home. It’d make me feel better knowing that the there’s a man with you,” which I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see, I sighed “Yes Uncle Robert, I’ll even bring Charlie home.” I saw Charlie arranging some pillows and blankets on the pull out bed. I was thankful that he had one. He looked at me at the mention of his name. “Okay honey, I love you. Be safe. Please call us whenever you stop to know that you’re safe. Take turns driving. “Aunt Helen fussed. “Yes Aunt Helen, I love you guys,” I said before hanging up.

  Gemma was still arguing on the phone. She was so mad she handed the phone to me and stalked to the kitchen where Charlie was. I stared at the screen, it said Home.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Odette, is that you?” It was Gabriel.

  “Yes,” my voice squeaked. Even on the phone I was nervous with him.
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  I could hear his voice soften and I imagined his face. “I’m sorry Gemma got you into this mess. I’ll come grab her tomorrow morning.”

  I knew that whatever was making Gemma upset, she needed to overcome it.

  “No, please don’t. I’m taking her to New York,” I said. I think he was surprise because I heard him pause. Why was everyone surprise? Are my sentences so incomplete when I talk?

  “I don’t think it’ll be a good thing to take her there. She shouldn’t have involved you. I thought when we moved to Ithaca, it was going to heal her. But I was wrong. I need to be with her since we’re both in this together,” He softly explained. The last sentence he almost whispered. Both in this together? Now I was starting to wonder what really happened.

  “Gabriel,” I softly said his name. I heard him a quick intake of his breath. It was the first time I said his name to him. “Whatever happened, I think it would be best for her to deal with it on her own. Just like I think it would be best for you to deal with yours. I think whatever is eating both of you, you need to come to terms with it before coming together. It sounds like she hasn’t had closure for herself like you haven’t. In order for you both to comfort each other, you need to accept yourself. Let her do this on her own, OK?” I softly answered in the gentlest way. I saw Charlie staring at me intently. As if he’s never seen me before. At least he put on a shirt.