A broken Swan Page 6

  I realized Gabriel was silent for a while. “Okay, just have her home by Christmas. Tell her I love her and that it’s not her fault, it never was,” he gave in with a sigh. We both said good night.

  I gave Charlie a hug. He tightened his hold. He was a good cousin. He never made me feel alienated, like I didn’t belong in the family. He was even a good older brother to Chelsea, even though they have their differences. He always came to me for advice, knowing that I never give them freely.

  “Everything OK Shrimp?” He asked. I nodded. “You’re coming to New York with us.” I told him. He just nodded. He understood. “I’m going to bed, I’ll see you in the morning,” he said and went to sleep.

  Gemma was already getting prepared to sleep. “Thank you Odette, you don’t know how much this means to me,” She said. I nodded my head in understanding, “Gabriel said it’s not your fault, that it never was, whenever you want to tell me, I’m here,” I told her. She nodded giving me a small smile. She wasn’t ready yet.

  We both lay there side by side. I could tell she fell asleep because her breathing got heavy. I laid there thinking about everything. Whatever happened would explain the troubles in Gabriel’s eyes. It would solve everything. There were times where he was easy going with me, and then he put himself on guard. At arm’s length. Did I want to know what happened? I didn’t think I have a choice. Like Gabriel said, I was involved now. I could hear Gemma murmuring in her sleep. Fighting in her sleep lightly. I could hear her say a name over and over “Damian, Damian, why did you leave me?” she cried quietly. And then fell into a deep slumber.

  Damian. Who was Damian? I guess I’ll find out soon. Consciously I rubbed my chest where the bullet wound was. I don’t know why I started doing that. Often I do it without realizing it. Shrugging the thought away, I closed my eyes and fell asleep myself.

  Chapter 12

  I shot up and looked at my watch. It was 8 a.m. The sun gleamed through the curtains. Gemma had already gotten up and I could hear talking in the kitchen. I walked over hearing Gemma laugh and Charlie cooking breakfast. Charlie, who was usually serious, was still able to put a person at ease.

  Gemma was sitting at the kitchen table looking beautiful for being morning. I must look like crap. Charlie looked showered and refreshed. I definitely needed a shower. My hair must be all over the place.

  “Morning shrimp, how did you sleep?” Charlie said with a twinkle in his eyes.

  “You have got a lot of hair Odette, you ever think about cutting it?” Gemma stated as her eyes follow all my hair. I must look like a real mess for her to say that.

  I shook my head no. “I’m going to go shower.” And left the room.

  After the shower, I went and ate some breakfast with them. We started planning the day, but we needed to find the specific location on where Gemma wanted to go.

  She looked hesitant to say but finally she knew she had to tell us. “I need to head to the Greystone Cemetery up in New York. I’ll point out the directions as we got closer.” Charlie and I looked at each other. I shrugged my shoulders. She would tell us in time.

  We got on the road. We estimated time and stops. The three of us took turns driving my car. Every stop we made we called our families. Charlie told jokes to ease the tension. Gemma contributed to the conversation. I, of course, was in my own thoughts at times. As we got closer, she started getting nervous. And finally we were there. I could see the fear in Gemma’s eyes. She was nervous and pale. I looked over at Charlie, informing him with a look “stay here.” He nodded.

  I took Gemma’s hand and she led the way. Her gripped tightened even more as we finally reached the gravestone that would answer the many questions I had in my mind.

  “In Loving memory of Damian Theodore Lawrence, wonderful son and friend. You will always be remembered”

  This was the mysterious Damian. I realized from his birthday year he was the same age as Gemma and I. We stood there for a moment longer before I heard her speak.

  “It happened one year ago,” Gemma softly said. I stood there with my hands in hers staring down at his gravestone. Tears coming down her face. “He was my best friend. The greatest. Besides Gabriel. The three of us were inseparable. We grew up together. We were always together. Having fun. Getting in trouble together. Damian was so outgoing, fun, joked around a lot. Gabriel was the serious one and I was the in between. Damian and I fell in love sophomore year in high school. It kind of just happened. We loved each other so much. Gabriel wasn’t too happy at first because Damian did a lot of flirting and he wasn’t always serious at times. But he changed his mind after he saw how Damian was with me. It was perfect you know. I was going to marry my best friend someday. We were going to be happy. We were in our junior year in high school. He was going to get a ring after graduation. On Christmas Eve, I had forgotten to pull out some cash and I insisted that we go to the bank so we could have some money for a party that we were heading to after Christmas. I forgot my debit card so we had to go inside the bank. They were only opened half the day. We were standing in line when a man in a mask came in knocking down the security guard. He had a gun on him. He told everyone to get to the floor and told everyone to take off everything valuable, cash, all jewelry, wallets. Everything. He yelled at the teller to pull out all the money and put it in a bag. Gabriel was on the floor by the security guard. I was with Damian. I realized that he had pulled out a box, a ring box and thrown it in the pile of cash that the robber demanded. When the bank robber wasn’t looking, he reached for it. Oh god, the bank robber saw Damian move, reacted and …sh……shot him,” She trembled and cried at the last few words. She broke down even more.

  “The ring was supposed to be for me. It was my engagement ring. And he took a risk to grab for it. I didn’t even yell at him to not grab it. I was so scared that I froze. He shot Damian right in the chest. I cried out. Then I heard another shot and realized the bank robber was shot down. He was killed. Everyone was all shaken and crying. We heard sirens. I didn’t remember much because I had Damian in my arms crying “Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me Damian!” The last thing he said was he loved me and then closed his eyes. Gabriel had his hands on his chest to stop the flow of blood. He was yelling too. I don’t remember because I was crying so hard. I had to be sedated.” She brokenly said. Remembering the scene again caused her to fall down to the ground and sob her heart out “Oh god Damian, why did you leave me! Why did you leave me?! I miss you every day. Come back to me!” she cried. I realized that there were tears coming down my face. I bent down and held her as she sobbed. Sobbed with sorrow, pain and suffering. The same feelings I felt when my parents were killed. Is this how I was? Is this how I am now? Gemma continued to cry and cling on to me.

  After a while she stopped crying, we kind of just sat there on the snow, holding each other in comfort. She asked me a question that no one’s ever had the courage to ask me, “How do you recover from a tragedy Odette? I lost one person, but you lost two. How did you recover?”

  I asked myself. How did I recover? And then I answered her answer I denied but gave myself during the last four years, “I lived. I know that if I was the one to die, I wouldn’t want my parents to suffer in grief in a situation they couldn’t control. I know they’d want me to move on as best as I could and live my life to the fullest. I was blessed with this chance. I need to take the chance. It doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye forever because they’ll always be in your memories and in your heart. But it’s okay to move on without them. Damian would’ve wanted that for you.” But I haven’t taken the chance, I thought to myself. I’m so sorry mom and dad. I’m sorry I’ve lived in this grief for years. It was never my fault. I couldn’t save them. They couldn’t save themselves. But dad saved me when he pressed that button to alert the police. Uncle Robert said that it was dad who pushed it before he died. He saved me and I couldn’t save him. And I couldn’t save him. Dad wanted me to live, to move on and be happy.

  I closed my eyes in acceptance. In a
way, Gemma helped me understand myself. In a way, I felt like this was a journey for me too and not just for Gemma. A way to help someone whose path was similar to mine.

  Tears still in her eyes, she gave me a smile, a smile saying that it was true about what I said. Damian would’ve wanted her to move without guilt. It was not her fault. He proved it with his last breath, when he said he loved her.

  “I got really depress after he died. Gabriel tried to help me but I knew he was living in his grief. He still is. He took it just as hard as I did, in a different way,” she said, “I tried killing myself.” I looked at her shocked. I thought about the same thing, but I never had the guts to attempt it. I already had a bullet hole in me. “I tried overdosing on some meds. Gabriel was the one to find me. He called 911. Mom and Dad were so distraught. Seeing a psychiatrist didn’t help at the time. But as I look back on it, she pointed out something that makes sense now. Survivor Syndrome. It’s true, I have that. And I think Gabriel has it too. And you have it. That’s why Gabriel is so drawn to you, “she said as I shot my eyes over at her in disbelief. Gabriel drawn to me? I couldn’t believe it. “He’s always staring at you so intently, always watching you like you’re the only person in the room. I think it frustrates him that you don’t look at him. I kept telling him you’re shy. That you’re not like other girls. He started to see it. That’s why he’s so gentle with you. I doubt he likes Chelsea, even though Chelsea has been chasing him for months.”

  I was shocked. Could she be right? It’s impossible. He never gave any indication that he would like me.

  I shook my head in denial. “I’m not his type,” I stated. My heart pounded. Is it wrong to hope that this could be true?

  She laughed. The first laugh I’ve seen her laugh since this journey. “You are more his type than you realize. You don’t chase him. You listen. You look at him from within, not outside. I’ve seen you two together. It makes sense. I know how you feel about him. I see it in your eyes. But you are so loyal to your cousin because you know she likes him,” she pointed out fiercely. It’s true. I was loyal to Chelsea. She never did anything wrong to me. Her parents gave me a home. I didn’t want to hurt her. I still didn’t want to. As much as I wanted Gabriel, Chelsea should be allowed her chance.

  I shook my head and looked down. “Doesn’t matter,” was all I said.

  I was glad for a distraction. Charlie came over when he heard Gemma laugh. He cautiously came forward. Gemma threw her arms around me and whispered “Thank you for helping me. I think it’s time we help Gabriel.” I think it was time. He had a reason to be around. Maybe he wanted me to help him understand.

  Charlie threw his arms around my shoulder and around Gemma. He gave us both a big hug. He understood that it was needed. Gemma gave him a quick peck on his cheek. He blushed. Charlie blushing? I smiled and giggled. Gemma turned towards Damian’s gravestone one last time. I could tell she was saying a silent goodbye. This time, there was a smile on her face.

  We got into the car and started for a long drive home.

  “We realized after what happened to me that we needed to move to quieter place. After Grandpa Paul’s funeral, Dad said he was moving us to Ithaca. I fought it of course. I didn’t want to leave Damian so soon. Gabriel was hesitant. Jayla and Jamie didn’t care. Before Grandpa Paul died, he talked about you Odette. He said that you had a more tragic story to tell, but that if a girl like you still had the heart and beauty to continue to live on from the tragedy, that Gabriel and I could do the same,” Gemma said while Charlie was the one driving the car. Charlie, listening but understanding that it was not his conversation to partake. Gemma sat in the front passenger seat next to Charlie, I sat in the back seat.

  “At Grandpa Paul’s funeral, Gabriel and I saw you standing from across the field. Gabriel was staring at you so hard. He knew who you were. Because Grandpa said you visited your parent’s gravestone almost every Sunday and that you had this gorgeous auburn long hair, which was what, gave you away,” she continued on.

  I saw Charlie look in the rearview mirror and arched his eyebrows in question.

  “Anyhow, Gabriel convinced me that moving to Ithaca would help me. In a way it did. You helped me a lot Odette. You don’t think you did. Gabriel’s improved, not by much. He seems happier when he’s with you, almost like his old self. But he still silently suffers. I know you see it in his eyes,” she asked me. I nodded my head. I do. “I think you can help him.” She said. I looked at her. I can see her eyes pleading to help. I nodded my head in empathetically and turned my head away.

  Conversation went down after that. Help Gabriel? Before this trip, I didn’t think I could help him. I couldn’t help him if I didn’t help myself get over my regrets. But now I think I could help him. The problem is does he want the help? Gemma needed it, and she asked for it. Oh Gabriel, I love you so. How can I help you? I silently said a prayer to myself.

  I must have passed out because I woke up as we arrived into town. We finally reached the Ryan’s ranch around 8 p.m. All three of us got out of the car. Mr. and Mrs. Ryan shot out of the house. Not far behind was Gabriel.

  “Oh Gemma, Gemma, are you ok honey?” Mrs. Ryan exclaimed. Gemma hugged both her parents and gave them a big smile. “I’m great mom, I’m really great. I love you both so much,” she said and continued hugging them. I could see relief on their faces. Gabriel hugged her after her parents released her. Both the Ryan’s gave me a hug. Mr. Ryan whispering in my ears “Thank you.” And gratitude showed in his eyes. He shook Charlie’s hand and thanked him to.

  What surprised me next was Gabriel. He reached for me and gave me a hug. He held me longer than usual and I swear I heard him smell my hair. Before he pulled back he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I blushed. “I’m glad you’re OK too,” he softly said while looking into my eyes. I could get lost in his eyes.

  And then he shook Charlie’s hand. “Nice to see you again Charlie,” he said and my eyes shot to Charlie. What? They knew each other? They must have. I realized they had similar interest. How did they meet? Charlie gave me a teasing smile.

  “We’ll see you tomorrow for dinner at your house,” Mrs. Ryan stated. I didn’t realize Aunt Helen invited them. I nodded goodbye. Gemma gave me another hug before whispering something that shocked me, “The person who shot the bank robber was Gabriel. He grabbed the security guard’s gun and shot the bank robber. It killed him. Gabriel hasn’t been the same since then. He won’t let me in. Maybe he’ll let you.” She said and looked in my eyes. I couldn’t help but look over at Gabriel. He frowned. I looked away quickly, shook my head in understanding.

  Charlie and I went home. It was the same joyous reunion. Glad we were both home. But Chelsea was mad about something. I saw jealousy in her eyes. It was as if she wanted me to punished for not calling and disappearing. I shrugged it off because I didn’t want to think horribly about her. Before I went to sleep, I gave Uncle Robert one last hug and whispered, “I’ll talk to you soon.” He looked at me and nodded his head. Kissed me on the top of my head.

  Sleep was the last thing in my head. I was wrapping the information around my head. It made sense now. Gabriel felt guilty he couldn’t save his best friend, couldn’t save his sister from the grief. I remember what Gemma had said before “He always takes on more when he shouldn’t be”. It was true. He shot and killed a man. But he still couldn’t save a friend. It’s no wonder I see sadness in his eyes sometimes. He was fighting his own demons. Thinking back when he was riding Midnight, he was so alone in his pain. Oh Gabriel, let me help you. I love you so much.

  I went to sleep thinking one thing. Gabriel was still perfect in my eyes.

  Chapter 13

  It was Christmas day. We opened gifts. I decided this year to make my gifts. It was pictures of a moment that I captured for each of them. Aunt Helen and Uncle Robert sitting together at the kitchen table in the morning. Aunt Helen taking a sip of coffee looking lost in a thought and Uncle Roberts had one hand holding the newspaper reading it. But th
eir other hands were holding on top of the table. It showed that no matter how busy they were, they still managed to be affectionate. It was beautiful. I printed the color in black and white. Aunt Helen cried.

  For Chelsea, it was a picture of her on stage, in a moment during the dance, it showed her shape beautifully. I remember it was a day that Chelsea nagged her dad to make sure he would make it to watch her perform. He told her he would try. Uncle Robert only had a moment to come and watch and leave for work. But he told me to take lots of pictures. I managed to take a picture of his face watching his daughter dancing. It showed pride and love. I don’t think Chelsea ever knew that he showed up. I didn’t get to tell her because she rushed off to a party afterwards. But I cut him out of the picture to enlarge her. I was going to give her the original later anyway. She jumped up and did the same pose. We all laughed. She gave me a hug.